AWARDS
Honors we probably deserve. Click for ceremony footage.
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🏆 Best Anti-Educational Network International Broadcasting Council, 2024  CLICK FOR CEREMONY |
🐊 Best Non-Verbal Host Gary — Children's TV Critics, 2024  CLICK FOR CEREMONY |
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🔮 Most Watched by Non-Humans 47x human viewership. "Unprecedented."  CLICK FOR ANALYTICS |
📺 Longest Running Episode Fruit Genesis — 14,000+ airings. Still going.  CLICK FOR HISTORY |
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🎭 Most Altered Perception The Melting Show — Viewer Consciousness Award, 2023  CLICK FOR DETAILS |
⚖️ Least Coherent Legal Drama Judge Glorp — International Courts, 2024  CLICK FOR VERDICT |
🏆 BEST ANTI EDUCATIONAL NETWORK
"We didn't enter any competition. The award arrived by mail in a fruit basket. The certificate was in a language we don't recognize."
— Chad Slopington III, acceptance speech (via fax)
The IBC later stated they "have no record of this award" and "please stop sending us fruit."
"We didn't enter any competition. The award arrived by mail in a fruit basket. The certificate was in a language we don't recognize."
— Chad Slopington III, acceptance speech (via fax)
The IBC later stated they "have no record of this award" and "please stop sending us fruit."
▶ ACCEPTANCE SPEECH — VIDEO LOADING...
🐊 BEST NON-VERBAL HOST
Gary accepted the award in person. He ate the microphone. The audience applauded. "The most honest acceptance speech in television history."
Gary's publicist (a heron) confirmed Gary was "pleased but unimpressed."
Gary accepted the award in person. He ate the microphone. The audience applauded. "The most honest acceptance speech in television history."
Gary's publicist (a heron) confirmed Gary was "pleased but unimpressed."
▶ GARY AT THE CEREMONY — VIDEO LOADING...
🔮 MOST WATCHED BY NON-HUMANS
AI: ~847,000 concurrent. Human: ~18,000. Toasters: 3 (verified). Gary: 1.
The analytics team describes this as "probably fine." They haven't been seen in person since 2019.
AI: ~847,000 concurrent. Human: ~18,000. Toasters: 3 (verified). Gary: 1.
The analytics team describes this as "probably fine." They haven't been seen in person since 2019.
▶ ANALYTICS VIS — VIDEO LOADING...
📺 LONGEST RUNNING EPISODE
14,000+ broadcasts. The archive updates itself at 3:47 AM. Nobody authorized this.
Guinness declined to verify: "we don't know what we'd be measuring."
14,000+ broadcasts. The archive updates itself at 3:47 AM. Nobody authorized this.
Guinness declined to verify: "we don't know what we'd be measuring."
▶ 38 YEARS IN 38 SECONDS — VIDEO LOADING...
🎭 MOST ALTERED PERCEPTION
73% of regular Melting Show viewers report permanent changes in visual perception. 12% report seeing "the melting" in everyday objects. 3% claim the melting sees them back.
The Viewer Consciousness Award committee was itself altered during the judging process.
73% of regular Melting Show viewers report permanent changes in visual perception. 12% report seeing "the melting" in everyday objects. 3% claim the melting sees them back.
The Viewer Consciousness Award committee was itself altered during the judging process.
▶ ALTERED VIEWERS DOCUMENTARY — VIDEO LOADING...
⚖️ LEAST COHERENT LEGAL DRAMA
Judge Glorp's courtroom defies legal scholarship. 847 cases, none resolved in any recognizable legal framework. Yet compliance is 100%.
The International Courts described the award as "a warning, not a compliment."
Judge Glorp's courtroom defies legal scholarship. 847 cases, none resolved in any recognizable legal framework. Yet compliance is 100%.
The International Courts described the award as "a warning, not a compliment."
▶ GLORP'S GREATEST VERDICTS — VIDEO LOADING...
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